Deserving Thanks

As much as I would like to sit here and list off things that I'm thankful for, I can't. I have to be honest with you. This is a struggle living down here. I want a hot shower, the roosters to stop crowing at three in the morning, and a travel thermos full of fresh brewed joe.

I have begun making a list of luxuries that I am going to treat myself to when I return home in under a month. I would never question this thinking. I keep telling myself, "Addison, you deserve this. You have lived in Central America for four months."

Do I, really? 

I have this thought that we (myself undoubtedly included) put a quota on how much a person must "suffer" before receiving "luxuries." It's an entitlement factor. I have endured enough, so now I may go back living the same because for four months I lived an un-Western lifestyle. Why would I ever subject myself to less than what I deserve, what I have worked for, what is my basic right? 

This is where our thinking gets in the way of our actions. We think self-entitlement; we act self-entitled. We think humbly; we act humbly. 

The truth is that I don't deserve anything. God, my provider, has been rejected, scoffed, and ignored countless times because of my selfishness. He had every right to end my physical, emotional, and spiritual possessions because they're rightfully His, correct? He worked for them, he made them, that is what he deserves, right? 

I am thankful God doesn't think like I do. I am thankful he has grace which is infinite. I am thankful God doesn't think that he deserves our love; He longs for it. He's able to function without us, but that sentence cannot be reversed.

When I sit down to our Thanksgiving dinner (on Saturday because Central America wasn't involved with the Pilgrims or Native Americans) I am going to be thankful for lukewarm showers, roosters who don't know better, and the cup of coffee my mama graciously serves me every morning. Yes, that's what I'll be thankful for.